I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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