It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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