one two three fourrrrnication!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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