I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
