Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
