i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I supernannyed him into submission
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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