giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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