and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
