When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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