just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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