I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize