First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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