And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize