Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
