I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
