Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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