come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
bring money and cleavage
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize