I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
