Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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