watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
