she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
