his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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