How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
