i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize