Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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