If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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