I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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