he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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