New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
