so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
