I cockslap morals
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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