Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
