Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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