I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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