he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
