When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
