I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize