Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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