She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
