R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
