so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
