JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
They took my balls.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
