I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
