perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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