Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize