They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
