I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
