i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
