Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
