We're facebook friends in real life
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's rum buckets o'clock
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
