If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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