Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
