Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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