Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize