I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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