the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
