The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize