he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
