Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
