When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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