is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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