Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
