you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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