So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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