No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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