Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize