its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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