Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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