I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
