You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
