Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is wine microwaveable?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
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