dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
