Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
