Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Randomize
