Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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