There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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