Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
