They should really pass out barf bags in church
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
two words: eviction party
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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