Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
