Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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