Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
