Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
