it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
