i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
