his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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