I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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