I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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