Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
