I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
