My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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