the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
