Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize