Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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