we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize