I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
