The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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