I feel like abortions should bother me more
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
