if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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