the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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