from now on my penis is your penis
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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