How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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