Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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