After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
