i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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