it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
