He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
